Building trust in teams: What and why?

How do you build trust in a team? First, let’s understand what trust really is and why it matters.

Who do you trust?

The first people who likely came to mind were your partner, your family, and your friends (hopefully). 

How about your boss? Your coworker? It’s harder to say. 

A 2016 study conducted by Edelman surveyed 33,000 people in 28 countries. From it, they discovered: One in three people don’t trust their employer. And only 24% of employees in this study believe their CEO exhibited highly ethical behavior.

In our own Know Your Team survey this past year of 597 managers and employees, we found that folks were slightly more trustful of one another: About 8% of employees said they rarely or never trust their manager. That’s almost 1 in 10 employees not trusting their manager. 

Why defining trust matters

Whether 1 in 3 employees or 1 in 10 employees don’t trust their managers – both are significant occurrences. Especially given the amount of time we interact with our coworkers, and the projects and outcomes that are on the line, it’s startling.

Are we really spending all this time with people we don’t trust? Should we be doing anything about this?

To answer those questions, we first have to define “trust” clearly. Misconstrue what trust actually is, and you spend time on the wrong things. Get it right, and building trust gets easier.

What trust is NOT:  Likability

We often equate trust with likability. We think, “This is a nice person” or “This is the kind of person I’d want to hang out with on weekends”… So we trust them. 

However, that’s only part of the equation. 

Consider someone in your company you don’t trust. You might like her. She’s affable, genuine and definitely tries her best. But trusting her with a high-profile project? You hesitate – she hasn’t shown the track record you need to feel confident. You don’t give her the big project because, honestly, you just don’t trust her enough.

So you if you want someone to trust you, it’s not enough that they like you. It’s not enough that they think you have good intentions. They’ve got to think you’re capable. They’ve got to think you have what it takes to prove something through. 

You might think someone is a good person – but you don’t trust them to actually get the work done. You need both.

This is an important distinction because many leaders accidentally optimize for likability as a means to build trust. They try to “be friends” with their direct reports, thinking it’ll mean their team will trust them more.

If we can internalize that trust is not likability, it causes us to not fall into the trap of trying to please everyone around us. If we want to build trust, there’s something deeper we have to access.

So then, if trust isn’t likability, what is it?

What trust IS: Intentions + Behavior

In a 1998 paper, Denise M. Rousseau suggested this definition of trust:  “A psychological state comprising the intention to accept vulnerability based upon positive expectations of the intentions or behavior of another.”

In short, trust is two things:  Intentions and Behavior. It’s people’s perception of who you are, and their expectation of what you can do. 

The 4 Cores

Stephen M.R. Covey defines trust in his popular book, “Speed of Trust,” similarly to Rousseau. To Covey, trust is the belief in who the person is, and a belief in their abilities – a person’s “Character” and their “Capabilities.” Covey then further breaks down trust into what he calls “Four Cores”:

  • Integrity – This means being honest, walking the talk, and being congruent with what you believe. You can’t trust someone unless you believe they have integrity. When someone is assessing your integrity, they’re wondering, “Do you have values I align with? Are you a good person?” 
  • Intent – This is your agenda or mission. Your team must trust your intent before they can trust you. A person sizing up your intent will wonder, “Are you thinking about yourself, or others, in this situation? Do you have the short-term, or the long-term in mind?”
  • Capabilities  – This is your talents, attitudes, skills, and knowledge. When someone is determining whether or not to trust you, they’ll consider, “Does this person have the expertise to do this job as well as they say they can?” Based on our survey, we found that both managers and employees most question their each others’ capabilities (26% of employees said this, and 36% of managers said this).
  • Results – This is your track record, your performance. You can’t be trusted unless you’ve shown results in some way that you can be trusted to follow-through. When you ponder about a coworker, “What has this person done that proves I can trust her?” you’re seeking results.

Warmth + Competence

Another related lens for understanding trust is described by organizational experts Amy J.C. Cuddy, Matthew Kohut, and John Neffinger. They revealed the two elements needed for a leader to be trusted were “Warmth” and “Competence” – with warmth needing to come first. 

According to their research, when you project strength too quickly, people have a harder time trusting you. They explain in Harvard Business Review, “Before people decide what they think of your message, they decide what they think of you.”

These perceptions of warmth and competence are powerful: “Insights from the field of psychology show that these two dimensions account for more than 90% of the variance in our positive or negative impressions we form of the people around us.”

How do you show warmth and competence? Cuddy and her research partners detail how warmth can mean positive body language, affirming words, generous actions, and even a smile. Competence can be projected similarly through body language (such as standing up straight), your past track record, and the actions you take going forward.

Like Covey, Cuddy’s research and explanation of the requirements for trust echo Rousseau’s definition of intention + behavior. Trust is all about who people think you are (warmth), and what they think you can do (competence).

Getting this distinction straight helps lay the groundwork for you to build trust in your team. You can now understand why someone might distrust you. Perhaps you haven’t defined your intent clearly enough. Perhaps it’s because of your past behavior. As a result, most importantly, you now can start to think how you can build trust in your team.

The clearer understanding we have of trust and what it really is, the clearer path we have to our teams trusting us more.

The Mindset Shift: How to become a good new manager

How to become be a good new manager? Of all the management advice for new managers, embrace this one, first.

Don’t be fooled: Becoming a manager for the first time is deceptively difficult.

No matter how many leadership books you’ve read or conversations you’ve had with mentors – the transition to becoming a manager is precarious.

Talk to any leader, and they’ll affirm this. “I was a terrible manager when I first started,” most will say. Myself included!

This is because the change required to be a good new manager isn’t apparent from the outside looking in. You’re not truly aware of the change that’s needed in the role, until you’re actually in the role.

So what change do you need to make as a new manager? From 15,000+ people we’ve surveyed through Know Your Team and thousands of conversations with managers in our online community, the #1 consistent insight folks have shared is this:

Becoming a new manager isn’t merely a change in what you do – it’s a change in how you think.

When you become a manager, your responsibilities change and your daily schedule changes. But it’s your mindset that changes the most.

The biggest change in thinking, as a new manager, is that your best work is not you doing your best work. Your best work is creating an environment for others to do their best work.

You don’t think about, “Am I moving fast enough?” Instead, you now contemplate, “Am I removing obstacles so my team can move fast enough?”

You don’t consider, “Do I know the answer to this?” Instead, you ask yourself, “What am I doing to help my team become experts and find the answer?”

Becoming a good manager starts with how you think, not what you do. Shift your mindset, and the actions follow.

This shift in mindset, while seemingly obvious, is both substantial and hard to internalize. What previously indicated “success” for you as an individual contributor doesn’t indicates success anymore.

No longer do you pat yourself on the back when someone says, “Great work” or “I love what you did here”. As a manager, the small bump of validation happens when someone says: “Now I understand,” “Thank you for listening,” or “I’m excited to work on this.” The small wins change when you’re a manager.

This shift doesn’t happen overnight. We have to disregard the prior experiences of we were rewarded for as an individual contributor. We have to reconfigure our default settings of behavior that got us to where we are now.

But if you can embrace this mindset shift as quickly as possible, your ability to become a good manager exponentially increases.

You don’t have to wait til you’re in the thick of everything, as a manager, to know what you must change.

Now you know: You must change your thinking, first.

The most counterintuitive leadership tip? Leaders, stop doing what you’re good at.

Playing to your strengths as a leader doesn’t make you a good boss – in fact, it can make you a bad boss. Here’s why.

Of all the tips to be a good manager, “leaning into your strengths” has got to be one of the most frequently cited.

“Do what you’re good at. Focus on your strengths.” That’s the conventional advice we all receive. There’s no shortage of StrengthsFinders assessments and personality tests urging us to triangulate which strengths we should zoom in on.

However, I recently had a conversation with Peldi Guilizzoni, CEO of Balsamiq. His insight on this topic turned my head sideways… in a good way. Peldi asserted:

“Doing what you’re good at hurts the team.”

Huh? Let me explain.

Peldi admitted to me that he’s good at getting stuff done. He makes things happen. He thinks he’s killing it. But as a CEO, 10 years in, should he really the one doing all the doing?

After a decade running his business, Peldi noticed he’d created an environment where his coworkers were depending on him to get things done. If he takes a vacation – he leaves them hanging. If he has to be out for a week – they’re stuck.

Peldi conceded:

“What I realized is that I should stop myself from doing things I’m good at  —  which is so counterintuitive  —  and instead, focus on delegating training and making sure that everybody gets good at doing those things.”

Doing what he was good at was hurting his team, not helping.

I could relate.

I’m good at communicating. So I do it internally. A lot. I write-up about what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, a new approach I’m thinking about, a new concept we should try… But, when I take a step back, it’s a bit too much. We’re a tiny, two-person company. For our size, all that communicating is overkill. I could easily spend some of that same time somewhere else in the business and have it be more meaningful.

For both Peldi and I, our predisposition became a preoccupation. We’re good at it, so we automatically assumed it was good for our team.

Whenever you’re good at something, you don’t objectively assess its effectiveness as you should. You apply less of a discerning eye. You know you’re good at it, so you figure the more you do of it, the better.

But as with anything, repeated actions without rigorous judgment become lazy and reckless. And naturally, they have unintended consequences.

Now avoiding this pitfall is hard.

No one is going to stop you. Rarely do others have the temerity to stay, “What you’re good at is bad for the team.” Plus, doing what you’re good at is fun. It’s inherently satisfying to flex your strengths. Who wants to not feel that way?

So, you have to ask yourself: Are your actions feeding your team, or your ego?

Focus on what you’re good at, and the team never becomes good at it themselves. Focus on what you’re good at, and you never see things for what they really are.

Resist viewing your strengths as the only way to make the team strong. Resist falling in love with the short-term results of doing what feels good to be doing.

Pause. Don’t be so busy. Take stock. Why are you doing those things? Because you like doing them? Because you’re good at them? Or because it’s the best way to move the team forward?

Find someone who will tell you the truth. Your co-founder, your coworkers. Ask them if what you’re doing that you’re good at is really helping move the team forward.

This truth-seeking takes 10 minutes to do. Start today. And stop doing what you’re good at, all the time.

P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

Big news: Know Your Company is now Know Your Team 🎉

After four years, we’re launching a new product, business model, and company name. Here’s why.

We’ve always been a bit weird.

We’re a two-person company serving 15,000+ people who use our product in over 25 countries. We’ve generated almost $2MM in revenue to date, have been profitable since Month 1, and every year since. We’ve never raised money from investors, or taken out a bank loan. (And, we started out as a tiny prototype that Basecamp spun-off.)

Today, we’re doing something weird, again.

We’re launching a new product, business model, and company name.

We’re now Know Your Team software that helps managers become better leaders. We give you educational guides, tools, and a community of support to help you avoid becoming a bad boss.

Know Your Team costs $65/month per manager (or $600/year).

You can check out the new Know Your Team here.

Here’s why we decided to make this change.

Quick background, first.

If we’ve never met before, hello! I’m Claire, CEO of Know Your Team. It’s nice to meet you, albeit virtually.

Our original software, Know Your Company, used to be focused on helping business owners with 25 to 75 employees get to know their company better. We charged $100 per person, one-time, for life.

We generated $1MM in cumulative revenue in a little over two years. We helped tens of thousands of people at companies like Airbnb, Medium, Kickstarter. And not just at tech companies, but law firms, marketing agencies, retail stores, and even a few churches.

When we surveyed customers, 94% of employees said Know Your Company helped them feel more connected to their coworkers, and 85% of CEOs said Know Your Company positively impacted their company culture.

Yet as 2017 was winding down, we noticed our sales becoming flat.

“What’s wrong?”

I remember thinking this around this same time, last year, in December.

As I reflected on 2017, I noticed three things:

  1. Our online community for leaders took off. We’d launched our Watercooler community in October 2017, to help managers learn from each other. More than 200 people signed up for it in the first month. (Today we have almost 1,000 members.)
  2. Our writing about leadership took off. The writing I’d been doing on our blog increased our organic traffic by 3X in a month’s time. It would go on to increase by 20X over the next six months.
  3. Our software sales went down. Our sales, however, did not increase. Not 20X. Not 3X. In fact, sales were fairly flat in 2017, if not dropping during some months.

Seeing the discrepancy between our audience and our sales, we scratched our heads.

Yes, Know Your Company was helpful as a piece of software. But for who?

When we got started back in 2014, we focused on selling to business owners. But by the end of 2017, our audience had evolved. After some digging, we learned that our 20X increase in traffic were mainly managers at companies of all sizes.

We had a mismatch. Our audience was managers, but our software was for business owners.

Our audience was asking the question, “How do I become a better leader?” But our software, Know Your Company, wasn’t answering that question.

In fact, no one was doing a good job of answering that question, “How do I become a better leader?”

Sure, you can read books, but they lack practical application. Trainings are expensive and one-time. And man, making mistakes and learning trial by fire is awfully painful.

I searched high and low for a good answer to, “How do I become a better leader?” I couldn’t find one. So we decided to build our own.

The result is Know Your Team.

Introducing Know Your Team: The new product.

To answer this question, “How do you become a better leader?” we re-imagined our product.

We pulled together research from working with 15,000+ people over the past four years, and discovered that the best leaders do three things exceptionally well:

  • Trust: If you don’t build rapport as a leader, nothing moves forward.
  • Honesty: If you don’t speak the truth to your team, problems fester.
  • Context: If you don’t get everyone on the same page, confusion sets in.

Because of this, we designed Know Your Team to help a leader develop these three skills of Trust, Honesty, and Context.

You can read more about our methodology here.

The best way to learn anything is to go do it. The second best way is to practice doing it. So with Know Your Team, we combined theory with practice. You can’t become a better manager by just reading books, or just by using software tools, alone. We built Know Your Team to include 3 complementary resources, to be used together:

  • Guides — Written guides on leadership, based on data, with 50+ chapters on topics such as one-on-one meetings, giving honest feedback, building trust, and more.
  • Toolbox — Dead simple software tools to help you run effective one-on-one meetings, ask for feedback, get high-level team updates, foster rapport, and more.
  • Community — Online support from 1,000 other managers from all over the world, where you can discuss tough situations like firing, hiring, and more.

You can read more about our resources here.

And, we’re not done! We’ve got loads of ideas for more guides, more tools, and more resources that we’ve already started working on creating. There’s so much to be done to help people become the leaders they’ve always wanted to work for.

Changing our business model.

For new customers who sign up for Know Your Team, we chose a new business model. Know Your Team costs $65/month per manager to purchase. As a monthly subscription, this makes it easier for managers to swipe their credit card without having to ask for permission from their boss.

Previously, our one-time pricing model had been useful to get us to profitability quickly. For example if you had 19 employees, we charged $1,900 one-time. We were essentially collecting the lifetime value of the product upfront.

But over time, we noticed our one-time pricing model becoming a big barrier to sales. A business owner had to justify a $2,000 or more expense to their finance department, to their investors, and to their leadership team.

Now that we’re selling to managers, there was no way a $2,000 product was going to feel accessible to them, even if the cost was only one-time. We wanted Know Your Team to feel like a “no-brainer” purchase for folks who might not have access to the company’s budget. So we moved to a monthly subscription model.

Building Know Your Team with two people.

We spent six months building Know Your Team. This meant designing and coding new features, writing 50+ chapters on leadership for our guides, and constructing a new billing system, new onboarding system, and new marketing site… All with just two people.

Every piece of copy, code, and illustration you see is something our CTO Daniel Lopes or myself created. (We did this while maintaining our current product, doing customer support, writing blog posts and pursuing other marketing projects.)

This is a big move for us. As a bootstrapped company, we don’t have piles of cash stacked up, in case it doesn’t work. We don’t have investors to run to if we get stuck in a bind. (In fact, we have $140,000 in the bank, to be precise.)

But, the change feels right. Since I’ve been running the company in 2014, this launch, today, is the most energized I’ve felt.

Why the weirdness?

Admittedly, our approach is weird.

You might be wondering, “Why are you making things so hard on yourself, Claire? Why not raise some money to make this change? Take out a bank loan or open a line of credit? Hire more people? Buy yourself more time?”

Those are not bad ideas. We considered them. And who knows, maybe we’ll pursue them in the future.

But for right now, the short answer is: I don’t want to.

When you run your own business, you have to remember why you wanted to run it in the first place. What you want. Not what others want.

In business (and in life), we’re addicted to pattern-matching. We snuggle into where the grooves are carved, where the tracks have been laid — not necessarily because we want to — but because they’re just there.

For me, I got into this whole starting-a-business thing because I wanted to do it on my own terms: Small in headcount, big in impact, independent, profitable. Life is short. Why build a business any different from your vision for it?

Of course, you shouldn’t mindlessly listen to your own din, in isolation. You should carefully choose who to listen to. The only people I want to listen to are our customers, current and prospective: Employees, managers, leaders, CEOs.

The minute you take on investors, accept money from a bank, put people on your board — you change the people who you’re listening to.

I don’t even want to listen to Jason and David, the founders of Basecamp (and Know Your Team board members) 🙂 We’re lucky that Jason and David want us to do things our way, too. We disagreed on some of the strategy of the roll-out of Know Your Team, but they were very supportive of us choosing to ignore their advice. (I’ll write more on this perhaps another time…)

If you have the luxury to choose who to listen to, choose intentionally.

Is Know Your Team for you?

You might be one of those people I want to listen to.

If you’ve spent late nights googling things like, “how to be a good manager” or “how to run a team meeting” or “how to delegate well”…

If you’ve bought carts of leadership books on Amazon, desperate to avoid beginner manager mistakes…

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I have no idea what I’m doing as a manager”….

Know Your Team is for you.

I’d be honored if you gave Know Your Team a shot.

If there is anything else — truly anything — I can do to help you become the leader you always wished you worked for, I’m here. Feel free to email me at claire@knowyourteam.com or ping me on Twitter at @clairejlew.

I look forward to hearing what you think. I’ll be listening to you.

On the journey with you,
-Claire


P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share so others can find it too. Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

You have a micromanaging boss. What can you do?

There are 5 reasons your boss is micromanaging you. Here’s how to manage up, and around them.

I’ve heard the phrase, “I have a micromanaging boss,” more times than I can remember.

I heard it again, just last week. This person asked me, “What do I do? Is there anything I can say to a micromanager? How do I manage up?”

Here’s what I recommended to him…

First, identify the reason. (Yes, there is a reason.)

People do things for a reason. No one is a micromanager because they want to be a micromanager. No one hears that word and goes “Oh yeah, I want to be that.” In fact, for most leaders, to learn that we’ve become a micromanager is a sour, disheartening realization that sloshes around in the pit of our stomach.

So, if your boss is micromanaging you, ask yourself, “What might be causing them to act this way?”

Typically, your boss is micromanaging you for one (or several) of 5 reasons:

Reason #1: Worry

Your boss is worried about the outcome of the work and doesn’t think you’ll get it done.

Reason #2: Fear

Your boss’s butt is on the line, and they can’t have you make them look bad.

Reason #3: It’s All They Know

Your boss has only always had a micromanaging boss (or this is their first-time being a manager) — so they don’t know any other way to manage.

Reason #4: Past Experience

Your boss has been burned before by a prior employee who slacked off and didn’t produce results — and so this is their way of compensating.

Reason #5: You 🙂

You’re doing something (or not doing something) that is causing them to overstep and keep a close eye on things.

I want to be clear: These reasons do not excuse your boss’s behavior. Rather, they illuminate that micromanagement is not random, without reason, or out of malice (usually!). When you reflect on what’s driving your boss to be a micromanager, you can better calibrate how to work with them.

Also note that people are complex, and motivations are not neatly categorizable. The reason your boss is micromanaging might not perfectly fit into one (or any) of these reasons I listed above. However, having a hunch —a probable reason for why your boss is a micromanager — gives you wind in the sails to help change their direction.

Second, defuse the reason.

Once you’ve considered the reason behind why your boss might be micromanaging you, now you can take action. You can ask questions and take steps that loosens whatever is causing them to grip so tightly onto you and your work.

Based on what the reason is, here’s what you can do:

#1: If your boss is worried about the outcome of the work… Have a conversation about what success looks like.

Yes, this means defining what metrics or deliverables should be achieved. But equally critical are specific examples of what quality work looks like. “Quality work” is subjective, and as a result, what a leader is most concerned about. To get on the same page about success and quality of work, you can ask your boss: “What’s a previous project I did that measured up to the quality of work you’re looking for? When have I fallen short? What do you think is the best executed project you think the company or team has ever done? Why?”

#2: If your boss’s butt is on the line… Make it clear that you understand the stakes.

Your boss is likely more stressed than usual, and you don’t want that stress to be off-loaded onto you. Ask, “What can I do to relieve any pressure on your end? Is there any reporting you’d like me to do that would help make things more visible or consistent? Is there a crucial stakeholder I’m unaware about who I should consider? Is there a timeline I absolutely have to meet that we haven’t yet discussed?” Show that you’re in this critical situation together, and you’re willing to do your part.

#3: If your boss doesn’t know any other way to manage… Suggest alternatives.

This sounds intimidating, surely, but you can have this conversation in a non-threatening way. How? In your next one-on-one meeting, offer up “working styles” as a potential topic. Then when you sit down to chat, say, “I’d love to talk about our working styles and preferences, and how we each work best. How would you describe your working style and how you work best?” Then after thoroughly listening, ask, “Do you mind if I share mine?” You can also be straightforward and describe what changes in behavior you’d like to see. For example: “Ideally, here are things I’d like to see different. What can I do so you feel comfortable with those changes?”

#4: If your boss is acting based on a previous experience… Draw contrast to how you and this situation is different.

This is probably the trickiest of situations to really defuse well. Ask your boss, “What’s the best work experience you’ve had? The worst?” Then share yours. This will prompt a conversation about expectations and preferences — and what’s influenced those expectations and preferences. It also gives you a chance to learn how to adjust your own actions. You’ll learn that oh, your boss really didn’t like it when their former team member didn’t communicate decisions — and now you know to make decisions extra clear.

#5: If your behavior is causing them to micromanage you… Well, start doing things differently 🙂

This may be hard to admit, but sometimes our own behavior invites someone to micromanage us. We recently conducted a survey of 355 people and learned that the #1 piece of information that managers want to know is the progress that’s being made on a project. So it could be that you might not be sharing enough of the progress you’re making day-to-day or week-to-week. You can get to the bottom of this, by asking your boss: “How can I give you more visibility into my work or decision-making? What part of the job do you think I’m most shaky at?”


As they say, habits die hard. Very hard. You may not be able to kill their micromanaging tendencies completely, nor overnight.

However, you will be able to create some space. It might not be a lot, but it’ll be more than before. Over time, as you build more rapport and history with your boss, that space will grow.

You don’t have to silently absorb the incessant Slack pings or random taps on the shoulder asking, “Have you done this yet?” That’s not the only way to work.

You can have a healthy, productive relationship with your boss. You can help your boss not be a micromanager. Start here.


P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share + give it ❤️ so others can find it too. Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

Watch our lessons for leaders: The Heartbeat Interview ❤️ with Desiree Vargas Wrigley, Founder + CEO of Pearachute

As a second-time founder who’s scaled a business to $5MM+ annual revenue and appeared on SharkTank (getting an offer from Mark Cuban along the way), Desiree shares her biggest leadership lessons on identity, team dynamics, and growth.

Every two weeks as part of The Heartbeat ❤️, I asks one question to a founder, CEO, or business owner I respect. This week, I interviewed Desiree Vargas Wrigley, Founder + CEO of Pearachute. Watch & read what she has to say here…

Claire: Hi everyone. I’m Claire Lew, and I’m the CEO of Know Your Company. Today, I am honored to have someone who I admire, a good friend of mine. I have Desiree Vargas Wrigley, who is the founder and CEO of Pearachute, which is this amazing platform that helps anyone who has kids drop into any class that they want. I think it’s yet a brilliant idea and she’s really built and grown the company. Before that, was the founder and CEO of GiveForward.

Something really cool that Desiree was also telling me about was they’re actually now offering Pearachute as a great work park. So something you can actually give your parents who are parents to help them, yeah, just really engage and feel connected with their kids. So anyhow, Desiree, it is so amazing to have you here and to be able to ask you this one question about leadership.

Desiree: Thank you for having me, I’m excited to see you.

Claire: Thanks. Okay, so you don’t know the question in advance, so brace yourself. Here’s what I’d like to ask and here is what I’ve been asking CEOs and founders who I respect, which is: What’s one thing or it can be several things, you wish you would have learned earlier as a leader?

Desiree: That is a big question. Early on someone gave me this advice but I didn’t know actually how to internalize it until later. So I’m going to start with … I’m going to make it a two-part.

But the first one was that don’t beat yourself up too much when things go wrong, but also don’t take too much credit when things are going right. Because a lot of times there are things that are happening as a leader and as a company that are out of your control.

As much as you want to believe that you are driving everything, external forces really do have an impact and great hires of course make up … as terrible hires sometimes make an impact. At the end of the day, like yes, you are the one holding the bag as CEO, but it’s never all your fault or all your credit. It probably sounds obvious, but I think in the early days I really thought if I work harder or if I think smarter I’ll be able to solve this problem all the time. Sometimes there are really just outside factors and you have to learn how to navigate them and kind of remove ego from the scenario to be able to just really perform.

That’s one, and then … Two, figuring out what kind of leader I wanted to be. I think a first founder, a mistake that a lot of us have which is tied to my first part of the answer is that you are so closely identified with the business that you’re creating because it came out of your brain. It’s literally like your brain child and you are convincing people to come and work on it with you, and convincing people to invest in it. It is so closely tied to how you feel about yourself. So the ups and downs can be … You know, have a really big impact I think on your mental state but also on your quality of leadership.

The more you can remove your sense of self-worth from the performance of your business, the better your business and your leadership will be.

You’re able to see more clearly kind of where your baby is ugly or why certain things aren’t working. So just kind of having that level of knowledge and reflection, being able to separate yourself. One other thing that allows you to do well as leader is that when people underperform, it’s not that they are kind of violating this promise to your baby, but it is instead an opportunity to coach them and help them grow into a better version of themselves. All for the kind of same North Star as opposed to taking care of this child that you are giving them access to.

Claire: Absolutely.

Desiree: Yeah.

Claire: Wow. No, I can completely relate to that answer, having now sort of my third company and I think it is a hard lesson to learn Desiree. I think this idea that you separate your identity from the business. I mean, how do you do that, first of all, and second of all … Or maybe I should actually ask the second part first. When did you learn that? Like did something happen? Whether it was when you were starting and running GiveForward, whether it was when you were starting GiveForward, whether it was when you were starting and running Pearachute, where you realized, “Huh, I think I’m equating my sense of self too closely to the business and it’s actually having negative effects.”?

Desiree: Yeah. For me, it was a series of things that helped me fully, fully realize the separation. You know, bringing in a co-founder early on meant that I had to of course share the vision with someone else. But I think if I’m being honest with myself, it still always felt like mine and I was letting him in. Which is not a great way. We’re still good friends and we overcame I think the challenge in our partnership. But if I’m being really kind of just honest about how I treated things in the beginning, I think as you bring in senior team members, starts ruling some of your ownership over that control.

So in a way you kind of give up a little bit of that identification, tiny bits at a time. But truthfully for me, when I decided to step away as CEO and bring a new CEO. It’s not honestly something I would recommend to most people, it’s a very challenging way to do that, to separate yourself. A much healthier way is through coaching and through maybe therapy, reading, I don’t know, a combination of things.

I ended up working with an executive coach for a while who like helped me make a lot of progress and understand kind of my role within the vision, as opposed to being the creator of the vision.

So I don’t recommend getting a new CEO as a way to do it, I think there’re other ways. But sometimes it does take something daring like that to force yourself and then there is a grieving process, no matter how you do it. Because you are separating a piece of yourself and it’s not a divorce in any way, shape, or form, but it is retraining your brain to think about yourself and your value differently than you did before. It’s so liberating.

Honestly, this time around with Pearachute, I get to look at Pearachute as something that is on its own. I actually think truthfully being a mother has helped me do this that much more because I have two boys that I’ve birthed and then a step-daughter also.

My role as a parent is not to dictate who they become, right? But to help put them on this journey for success and to give them the foundation and the resources that they need to be their best selves. That’s true about a business too.

So you know, the analogy does continue, but one that is less emotionally aggressive I think, which is: If you treat your company as this being that has his own life, and its own identity, and its own brand – you create the resources and the support system around. It’s just such a much more relaxing place to live and you still want them to do well. You still need them to get into college, you still need all those things to happen but you’re not … It’s not the same as your own personal value.

Claire: Absolutely. What then are you doing differently with Pearachute in this approach? Is it a mindset, is it in conversations you’re having with your senior leadership team, has it affected your hiring? Like curious, given that you’ve learned, “Okay, I can’t be as emotionally aggressive.” what are you doing differently then with Pearachute to sort of set those boundaries?

Desiree: Yeah, I’m doing so many things differently. Definitely hiring.

I hire a lot more for the individual athlete role.

I think if I’m being honest with myself, before, I hired good people that I thought would be good at the job, but this time I’m looking for efficiency, and a lot of creativity, and a strong level of autonomy. Because this time around I just have so much more trust and I sometimes feel sorry for some of my earlier team members because I just didn’t know how to trust them with the vision.

This time around I have that clear understanding. So people can achieve so much more obviously when you are willing to kind of give them that freedom to explore and make mistakes.

Of course, they fail and recover from those failures, and wow you, right? So creating room for that within my team is really important to me. Because of that, I often think we get more done with our eight or nine people than we did with our 40 that we had before. Just because people are able to be really, really focused.

I am so much better at clearing a path towards creating time blocks for people and making sure that they have enough time to do their work. Where in the past I think we really jammed meetings because there needed to be a lot of communication.

I think if you’re transparent and constantly doing a great job of reinforcing vision and the kind of ways you’d attack toward that end goal. That you don’t need to do as much real-time collaboration because people have a clear idea of where we’re all headed. It’s more about checking in with each other and confirming priorities, and then kind of getting back to work.

Claire: Absolutely. Yeah, and I mean, I think there’re so many CEOs and founders who I talk with who struggle with this, right? Like you start a company, you’ve been kind of killing yourself over it and now someone else is going to start to do your job. So being able to sort of release that and just be a lot more hands-off. It takes a certain amount of discipline but it sounds like that’s really paid off and been the difference for you, between the two companies. Yeah, that’s amazing.

Desiree: For sure and I’m actually very practical with my team too. A lot of their roles right now are a jack of all trades, wearing many hats.

So I remind that our job is to build this company to be big enough that you kind of earn the right to either hire your boss or hire the person to take everything off of your plate that you don’t love or aren’t the best at.

That really, like that is the sign that we have gotten there, is being able to also then relinquish some of the things. Sometimes it’s things that you do love that you have to relinquish. But I think if you’ve got into the culture, it creates less kind of territorial-ism and more of a willingness to like let peoples’ skills flow into the places that we need them the most. As opposed to like this is my silo, that’s your silo.

Claire: Absolutely.

Desiree: Which is something also that we did not as well in the first startup.

Claire: Totally. I mean, what you’re describing Desiree is the struggle that has come up so often in these conversations, which is a struggle with ego and a struggle with … again, like almost a sort of possessiveness. Which is very related to the very first thing you said, which was kind of the first answer you gave around what you felt like your biggest lesson was. Which is that it can be very easy to feel like when things are going really well, it’s all you, and then when things bad, it’s all you.

So tell me a little bit more about that founder mentality or … You know, I don’t know if you want to call it a syndrome, I don’t know if you want to call it sort of a blind spot, right? But why do we get stuck thinking that when things are really good, it’s all us, and things are really bad, it’s all us, and what are the dangers of that? Like how has that affected your journey as an entrepreneur?

Desiree: Yeah. So a very specific example of this for GiveForward was … So we were a crowdfunding company, coming of age when Facebook was coming of age. We launched before Kickstarter but Kickstarter’s massive rise definitely helped elevate all of crowdfunding, right? So we falsely believed that because we were investing in SEO and paid search, and we had this great channel for distribution through Facebook, that the growth that we were seeing was entirely of our own doing. That we were figuring it out, we had the secret together.

Then it took the Facebook algorithm change to knock us down really big. We didn’t realized that we were growing on top of the growth of other giants, and that while we had been intentional in how we spent, we didn’t perfectly know how to find our customers. Our customers are very hard to find. The best friend of someone with cancer is a hard target, absolutely. But this time around, I have a better understanding of what kind of external factors can be contributing to growth.

At the same time, I’m more much laser focused on what are the measurable things that I can do within kind of our economics to create efficiency there. So that I can predictably know that when I put $50,000 into marketing, I’m going to get X numbers of customers out. So I think that comes with experience just in general and success. So now our user growth feels much more earned because I had that other thing to reflect on. But I’m also very aware that I am now sitting in a company that is targeting mostly millennial parents and only 20% of them have started having children. So there’s this massive group, that’s 80%, that is about to have children.

I will assume that our growth and rise to power will be because of what’s happening within these external forces. You know, paying attention to both I think helps to remember that like it’s not … Everything that you’re doing is not perfect and something that works now obviously might not work again in a year. But it’s when you’re in the middle of crazy growth, it’s hard not to pat yourself on the back and say, “Look how amazing we are. We’ve done all these things right.” The truth is, a lot of it is about timing.

Claire: Yes. I think that advice is worth its weight in gold. Because I don’t think you learn it until you get burned by that situation and you realize, “Huh, I think we made a lot of assumptions.” I guess, what advice do you have for founders and CEOs to be rigorous about not assuming that it’s all you? It sounds like from your perspective, the analytics, the level at detail that you’re looking at, like you were saying the metrics are really key. But is there something also you’ve embedded in your team, are there sort of systems you place in Pearachute? Curious just about advice you would give to other founders to do that well?

Desiree: Yeah. It’s so tempting, right? To find this path that works and double down. So yeah, that is an element, of course, with any level of growth. But for me, I am very aggressive with my team about diversifying acquisition. That paid search is great, or any kind of paid ads are great, until the cost of acquisition gets so high that you have a ceiling and you can no longer spend to affordably acquire your customers depending on your LTV.

So we have been conscious of the pieces of acquisition and since the very beginning knowing that, of course, there’s a viral component to the business, there’s also a direct, which is a little bit harder to manage or influence. We need to be working kind of equally on all parts, because at the end of the day, full reliance on one channel has very high risk of creating really expensive customer acquisition down the road.

Claire: Absolutely.

Desiree: So I would say just constantly diversifying, yeah.

Claire: Again, I think everyone who is watching this will be taking notes and writing that down. Desiree, thank you so much for sharing.

I’ve been learning a lot just listening to you. Like I said, you’re someone who I’ve always really, really enjoyed hearing about your experience in building and growing companies. So thank you so much. I know everyone who is watching has really appreciated your thoughts too. Thanks.

Desiree: Thank you for having me.


P.S.: Please feel free to share + give this piece 👏 so others can find it too. Thanks😄 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

Enjoy this interview with Desiree? Check out all our Heartbeat interviews with leaders…

Managing disagreements: How to handle diverging points-of-view with your boss

Six leadership tips on what to do when you disagree with your boss (or another senior leader at the company)

It’s inevitable: You’re going to disagree with your boss. No two people on the planet agree with each other on everything, 100% of the time.

That’s a terrible idea,” you think to yourself, after listening to your boss share a decision she’s come to. “She strongly needs to consider an alternate option.

Yet, managing disagreements at work is tricky — made only trickier if the person you disagree with is your boss. Of all people, you don’t want that person to get defensive or misinterpret your disagreement as an attack. You want whatever thing you’re arguing for to be considered, and hopefully enacted.

The key is to share your opposing point-of-view respectfully — and effectively — so the outcome you’re looking has a higher likelihood of happening.

So, how do you do that? How do you disagree productively with your boss, or another senior leader on the team?

In The Watercooler, our online community for leaders, managers from all over the world suggested taking these five steps when you and your boss disagree:

Peel back the layers of “why”

Start with the assumption that people are reasonable and make rational decisions. Then, ask yourself, “Given that assumption, what would have to be true for them in order to cause them to make the decisions they did?” Are there other priorities they’re managing that you’re not aware of? Are there other stakeholders who have an interest in the outcome that you aren’t considering? Rigorously peel back the layers of their rationale to figure out what those underlying reasons are.

Emphasize the common destination, not the divergent paths.

You’re both on the same team. Remind them of this. While trying to explain your own view, extrapolate the assumptions, beliefs, and values you both have in common. For example, you both care about the team’s success, you both value speed over perfection, you both see X priority to be most critical. What you most-likely differ on is the approach: The strategy to execute, the timeline, the resources, etc. Highlighting the points of agreement re-centers the conversation: While the roads you mapped out are different, you both want to end up in the same place.

Show, don’t just tell.

Evidence is compelling. How can you show — and not just tell — that your recommendation or idea should be taken up? Is there anything that you can work on that directly contributes to the company primary goals and illustrates your point? For instance, one Watercooler member discussed how she started a project without many resources, and eventually recruited people who shared similar views to build her case. It worked — her boss implemented the idea.

Consider: What is the one thing you can fix right now?

When we see a lot of fires, our urge is often to build a brand new fire station. However, in reality, all we might need is to find the nearest fire hydrant to hook up to. If many things are broken and you think you know a better way, avoid the desire to solve everything at once. Focus on just one thing that can be a visible quick win. Connect to the fire hydrant, first. Then, you can better make the argument to build the fire station for the neighborhood.

Ask yourself, “Do we really disagree on core beliefs?”

Sometimes, the gap between the opinions of you and your boss isn’t just a crack — it’s a chasm. It’s much wider and deeper than you initially thought. This is important to pay attention to. If you disagree with a coworker on core beliefs, then the change will be an uphill battle. You’ll want to seriously consider if it’s worth the trouble. And, if it’s not, perhaps it’s not the right company for you to be at. Core principles that you want to be aligned on include: your beliefs around company culture, how managers see and respect employees, the ratio of autonomy vs. control, iteration process, team structure and long-term goals.

Look for an outside advisor or mentor.

A third party can bring objectivity to a disagreement. One Watercooler member recommended how this option is helpful when the conversation becomes circular and isn’t progressing in a positive direction. Having someone fresh can not only be useful to moderate the discussion, but provide new insights that you both may not have considered. However, when doing this, it’s important to set clear expectations, and decide on how to handle the outcome of the discussion. You don’t want the outcome to devolve into office gossip because you “brought someone from the outside in to help.”


These tips have helped orient my thinking around approaching differences of opinion within my own team. I hope they help you too.

P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share so others can find it too. Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

Feeling “off”? How to be a good manager when you just don’t feel like being one

If you’re struggling to stay engaged as a leader lately, here are some leadership tips to pull you out of the slump.

Some days, being a good manager is more difficult than others.

You can’t focus. The day drags. You feel “off.”

The company isn’t doing as well as it used to. Or you received a scathing email from a client. Or you’re questioning the latest shift in the company’s direction.

Whatever the reason may be, there’s no shame in it. I’ve had these “off” days, myself — and so many other leaders have too. As companies go through highs and lows, and our mind and emotions ride the highs and lows along with it. In our online Watercooler community with almost 1,000 managers, many folks shared this sentiment: We all “occasionally fall into slumps where being a good manager becomes more difficult.”

The question is: How do you handle “off” days, so you don’t stay discouraged as leader?

Here’s the advice that our Watercooler members gave to overcome the work doldrums:

Take a day or two off.

Perhaps this sounds like conventional advice when you’re feeling “off” — but it’s because it works. Go somewhere quiet and get away from anything that could remind you of work. No phone, no emails, no talk about work. Studies have shown how beneficial “unplugging” from technology is in particular to clear your head. Use this time to re-evaluate your priorities, the things that motivate you, and the sort of contributions you can make to your company and team.

Focus on the impact you have on the people you work with directly .

Even when you’re not particularly motivated by your company, think of the impact you can have on people’s lives and their careers. As a manager, your attitude and actions shape the everyday lives of your direct reports.

Revisit your team’s vision and purpose.

This should be the “why” behind your work, and re-evaluating it and can invigorate you. One member of The Watercooler did this by meeting with each member of his team to get their perspectives on the company’s direction. He listened to their feedback, looked at the market and their competitors, and reshaped the company’s vision accordingly. The adjustment in the team’s purpose gave him greater purpose to show up for work each day.

Dig into the work itself.

Sometimes you feel in “funk” at work is because you haven’t been able to be in a state of “flow.” Choose to get back to more hands-on work to make progress on something you love to work on. Before you were a manager, were you a programmer by trade? Roll-up your sleeves and write some code. Do you work at a public relations company and used to be the one interfacing with journalists all the time? Put together some traditional media pitches and pick up the phone. Reconnect with what you love to do most.

Switch up your role in the company.

You might be feeling “off” because you’re not in the right position in the company. One Watercooler member mentioned how he changed his role in to a “visionary” one (think CEO) rather than an “integrator” one (think COO). He then realized he was better suited — and qualified — for big-picture thinking than operating the business.

Consider going on a “work retreat.”

You could be missing some of the unstructured creative time you had prior to being a leadership position. To combat this, one Watercooler member will take little work retreats a few times a year where he can recharge his batteries. He normally spends about a week in an AirBnB in some random city all by himself. It’s like a vacation in the sense that he completely unplugs from his normal responsibilities, but instead he just works on design/programming.


Now, of course, these are not solutions to remedy serious core company issues. You may be feeling “off” for important reasons that you need to resolve: Your team culture is toxic or your work habits are unsustainable. Pay attention to the underlying reasons causing the “off” feeling.

Rather, these suggestions work well as a short-term boost, when you know it’s merely an “off” feeling, and you’d like to steady yourself.

If you’re stuck in a slump as a manager, you don’t have to stay in it.


 

P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share + give it ❤️ so others can find it too. Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share + give it ❤️ so others can find it too. Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

The surest sign of a bad boss? You don’t listen.

You’re likely making these 4 leadership mistakes as a leader. Here’s what to do instead to become a better listener.

You’re not listening, as leader. You think you might be — but it’s highly likely that you’re not.

Think back to your last one-on-one meeting. Be honest: What percent of the time did you accidentally zone out during your direct report’s answers? Were you distracted by an impending meeting with an unhappy client? Were you trying to guess your direct report’s motives, and running through past one-on-ones with them in your head?

I don’t blame you, quite frankly. As leaders, we’re trained — and rewarded — to multi-task, rapidly context-switch, and think in parallel. We’ve got a firehouse of tasks, team dynamics, goals, customer requests that we’re juggling… How else are we supposed to weather the storm?

However, listening requires an opposite motion. Listening lives in silence. In stillness. You need to focus purely on the person you’re listening to. Not analyzing the response as they speak, not anticipating the next sentence, nor brainstorming ourselves what we’ll say next. Not thinking about the next meeting, the next phone call, or, hey, lunch is in 40 minutes.

The only way we’ll truly understand what the other person is trying to say is if we’re zoomed in on listening, in that moment.

When we do, listening becomes a powerful lever. A great listener gains knowledge that’s overlooked. They hear the tone of disappointment in an employee’s voice and discover that person is not happy on the team. They recognize that an employee has been having revealing conversations with a customer, and they finally understand why a customer isn’t satisfied with a particular part of the product. It’s knowledge only found in the nooks and crannies — you have to pay attention closely in order to spot it.

Not to mention, when you listen well, you show empathy and build trust in a way that’s more genuine than any office perk or team social event.

So how do you know if you’re a good listener — or a terrible one? Here are the 4 most common mistakes leaders make that reveal they’re not a good listener. Read on to see if you’ve been unintentionally committing any of them…

Mistake #1: You keep your phone on “just in case.”

Yes, emergencies do happen. But keeping your phone on during a meeting and having it buzz is enormously distracting for the other person. Countless of employees I’ve spoken to have mentioned how disrespectful it feels for their manager to have their phone go off — or worse, to be texting during the meeting. A recent study revealed that smartphones are distracting, even when we aren’t looking at them. So, what’s the solution? Just put it away for the meeting to be present as much as possible. If you do have to take a call or are expecting an important message, simply let the other person know so they’re aware, or reschedule the meeting.

Mistake #2: You assume people want your two cents — so you give it immediately.

As a leader, you’re often looked to as the expert. And, well, you are the expert most of the time. So it’s common to want to jump right in and help your team by providing the answers, or share how you’d attack a challenge. However, that eagerness to lend a hand can backfire. Rushing in with your opinion can crowd out any room for your team to share their opinion. I’ll always remember my interview with Laura Roeder, founder and CEO of MeetEdgar. One phrase Laura rigorously used with her team was: “Make this decision without me.” This gave her team the space to figure things out on their own, share their honest opinions with her — and helped her listen, not just tell.

Mistake #3: You only ask one question, before moving on to the next topic.

How many questions do you typically ask a direct report? Just one, then on to the next item? Or do you try to follow-up each topic with at least two, three, or more questions? Whether it’s during a one-on-one meeting, a Zoom video conference, or in a Slack message, the best managers frequently ask follow-up, clarifying questions — both about themselves, and their colleague. They ask, “What isn’t clear?” or “What am I not explaining enough?” Additionally, when their team members speak, they ask questions such as, “What do you need to make X happen?“ or “What can I take off your plate to help you do X?” The more clarifying questions you ask, the more listening you’ll do.

Mistake #4: You rarely ask yourself, “What’s my mood right now?”

We all have bad days. It’s inevitable. To make sure you can listen to someone well, it’s important to be aware of your current emotional state and to optimize for it. Not a morning person? Schedule your meetings in the afternoon. Just got out of some crazy traffic, or rushing to get all your tasks done before the weekend? Consider rescheduling — not avoiding — a tough conversation. The other person will be relieved that you asked if they don’t mind chatting with you once you’ve had time to take a breath.


If you’ve found yourself thinking, “Oh man, I’ve definitely done a few of those recently” — no need to get down on yourself. We all have been guilty of them, myself included. My hope is that in pointing them out, they no longer float under the radar. With awareness comes a small change in actions. We can all lift the veil that we’re all not as good listeners as we’d like to be. If we want to be better leaders, it starts with knowing what work we have to do 🙂


 

P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share + give it ❤️ so others can find it too. Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)

8 ways to avoid your opinion swaying your team too much as “The Boss”

A good manager knows their opinion can influence their team sometimes TOO much. Here’s how to compensate for that.

When you’re a manager, something interesting happens: You mention an idea off-hand, and all of sudden, it becomes a priority. You casually ask a question out of curiosity, and all of sudden, everyone scrambles ASAP to get you an answer.

As a leader, your opinion matters. But sometimes, it can matter too much. You can unintentionally sway team members by stating your opinion prematurely. Or, you can accidentally quell perspectives that are critical for you to hear.

How do you keep this from happening? One of the managers in The Watercooler, our online community with almost 1,000 leaders, kicked off this conversation recently. Below is a summary of the insightful, practical replies.

Here are 8 ways for you to compensate for your opinion weighing too much, as “The Boss”…

Assign others the task of disagreeing with you.

Force the hand, and create a safe space for someone to disagree. For example, in a meeting with ~5 people, you might pick someone and say, “The four of us seem to be saying the same thing, and I’m making it your job to disagree with us regardless of how you actually feel. So if you’re forced to play the role of the disagreer, what’s your argument?

Give someone less experienced a chance to speak first.

This helps prevent folks from just shutting down and saying, “Yep sure, what that person said.” Even if the person is way off the mark in their opinion, it either signals you should spend more time working with them, or it causes the team pivot on the original idea after hearing others. One Watercooler member mentioned how he was recently listening to Great at Work and a high performing example company followed this practice: Most junior employees shared their thoughts first, most senior shared their thoughts last.

Have the person with the strongest opinion speak last.

A strongly-held viewpoint can drown out any potential for diversity of thought to emerge. So have the person who has already thought about an issue and formed a strong opinion speak last. This is also helpful because they’re the least likely to be biased by what everyone else says.

Ask others what they think before jumping in with your own thoughts.

One Watercooler member shared that he’ll often send people a link to a story, article, idea, etc. and ask people, “Thoughts?” to see what he gets back. This helps provoke thoughts from other people, in an unfiltered way, before you insert your own.

Ask everyone to explain their thought-process, not tell you their opinion.

This keeps the people with opinions — but perhaps more trivial reasoning behind them — from dominating the conversation (and wasting everyone’s time). In addition, understanding how someone is coming to a conclusion is sometimes just as valuable, if not more, than the conclusion itself.

Use phrases like “you’re the expert.”

When talking to people about areas that they’re a specialist in, affirm that they are the person who has the required knowledge and expertise. This helps make it clear that your view isn’t any more correct than theirs.

Ask for advice.

When you say to someone, “I need your advice,” you can open the door wide to getting useful feedback from your direct reports. The statement both indicates openness to fresh ideas, as well as a clear request for that person’s personal viewpoint.

Admit what you’re unsure about or struggling with.

Try saying something like, “I’m pretty sure I know the direction I want to go, but I want to be sure I haven’t overlooked something important. Will you review this with me, and poke holes in my idea?” Or “I’m having a tough time figuring this out…” It leads to a very different dynamic. Even if you end up sticking to your original plan, people are more likely to feel respected for being asked to help vet the idea. You’ll get valuable input, regardless.

If you want your team to be making the best decisions, making sure your opinion isn’t driving all the decisions is important. You want people to be honest, to bring up what they think could be better, and to point out what they think is wrong. Try one of these 8 ways to help foster that openness in opinions. Your viewpoint may unintentionally sway others, as a leader — but it doesn’t have to.


 

P.S.: If you did indeed enjoy this piece, please feel free to share + give it ❤️ so others can find it too. Thanks 😊 (And you can always say hi at @clairejlew.)